Friday, June 17, 2005
~n!*gh+mAr.E*$~...what am i doing with my life ? just 24 hours ago ... i was so happy ... now ... i feel like i've broken into 2 ... why do these things keep bothering me ... haunting me ... why can't it just let me off ... i wish i could erase this memory ... take it off my mind ... but why ... i guess i still have gotten over it ... it's so irritating ... i don't even know what to do now ... just feel like sleeping and not ever waking up again ... i feel so helpless ... i feel like turning back time ... i'm so sorry i actually doubted you ... feel so stupid now ... wish i was never born to the earth at times ... life is so painful and full of hurt ... if you ask me which one is easier to love and trust ... between God or man ... my answer ... would be God ... i can't see Him ... but it doesn't matter ... because i know ... that at least ... he'll never ever hurt me ... while ... my trust have been betrayed far too many times by the people around me that i feel so tired already ...
i'm so sorry ... caused you so much problems , hurts and pain ... feel like a burden to you ... i wish i could be stronger ... i feel i'm not strong enough ... i still trust you ... it's just so difficult to breathe ... to forget ... to be happy ... i think i need somemore time ... i thought i would be better soon ... i guess i honestly would have been better ... soon if not now ... but because of that ... of what happened yesterday ... i'm sort of back to square one again ... need to get back again ... need even more time now ...
God ... why is all these things happening to me ? why is it me and not other people ? have i not gone through enough ? i know You love me ... i honestly trust and believe You ... but all these hurts and pain is leaving me all tired ... weary and dry ... are you trying to tell me something that i've not been doing ... You said that it is when we are at our weakest that You are the strongest ... because only then do we give everything to You ... i don't know what to do now ... i'm really lost ... please help me ... bring me back into Your arms again ... i really need you now more than any other thing ... i don't wanna cry anymore ... my eyes feel swollen enough ... but the tears just keeps coming ... and you are still so worried ... can you please be happy ? ... cause i'll feel worse seeing you sad ... worried and all ... so sorry for all these troubles ... because of me ... sorry ...
cheryn ...
posted at 6/17/2005 01:28:00 pm
